Friday, April 17, 2009

Friday Funnies






Power outage during the mamogram appointment from hell......


I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, 'Hi! I'm Belinda!' This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, 'All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?'


I'm thinking, 'Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science. Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, 'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?' 'Fine', I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap!


Complete darkness and the power went off! 'Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag.' Belinda headed for the door. 'Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?' I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back.' Before I could shout 'NOOOO!' she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed between glass! After exchanging polite 'Hi, how's it going' type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible 'Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.' 'You bet, take care' Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.


Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, 'Oh I am sooo sorry!' The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?'


And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps....




Friday Funnies is hosted by Kim. For more fun and smiles and even laughs visit Kim here.

26 comments:

Melissa said...

Sorry it took me so long to comment-I had to pick myself up off the floor from when I fell out of my chair laughing at this! It is too funny. Hope you are having a good day! I loved your straight hair on Sunday. It was GORGEOUS!

Susan said...

Funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for that laugh~

The Real Me! said...

I love that joke!! I can imagine it being me some day! LOL.
Hugs and Happy Friday.
Kim

.:*Beautiful Self*:. said...

OH MY GOSH.....!!!!

I'm sitting here - in an office full of men - cracking up at this post!!! They must all wonder what in the world is going on over here in my cubical. Too TOO funn-yyyyy!!!

:) :) :) :D :) :)

Denise said...

Woo Hoo, now that is funny. lol

LAURIE said...

Blessings,
I wanted to let you know about a new feature on my blog. It is a way to connect to my faithful readers. "Circle of love" is a new feature on fridays where I want to introduce faithful friends such as yourself to my readers.

Check out todays post about this new feature and consider allowing me to feature you and your blog in the future.

Thank you for all that you are doing, as you minister to us thru the web!

Laurie

"...The Obnoxious SAHM...." said...

I see you are a Beth Moore fan. I just love her. She is amazing.

Navy Wife said...

Darlene:
I love your sense of humor, girl. You are funny!

Kelly said...

OHGoodness!!! LOL!! Have a great weekend!

Bobbie said...

so funny!!!!!

DeeDee said...

oh my goodness.....
:)
You are a mess!
lol

SophieMae said...

Oh, yeah, that would definitely happen to me. LOL! Thanks ever so for sharing your merry heart today.

Have a JESUS-filled day! ^i^

Kimberly said...

Yep. Mark mammograms down as something I am NOT looking forward to. Maybe Jesus will come back before I have to get one. :)

Praying for you and your family!
love,
K

Andrea said...

You have got to be kidding. After several surgeries I had to go every three months for several years. Now I am back to once per year..THANK GOD.
Necessary, but not funny at all! andrea

Deborah said...

Hey...that's exactly how it happened to me too!!! Too funny. I also liked your post about the blood type. I wonder sometimes why God continues to put up with us...must be love.

Miti said...

That's hilarious!

Anonymous said...

I can certainly relate to that one. I had to have a mammogram one week post op from a lumpectomy. The device they were using to hold the space for the mammosite had burst so they had to check for missing pieces. I would have tried out that trick myself. :-)
Vicki Pounders

The Real Me! said...

I hope you don't mind but I tagged you over at my blog today!
Hugs.
Kim

Debra said...

TOO FUNNY....AND I'M WITH YA ON THIS ONE!!! Love it!

Blessings to you, my sweet friend!

Andrea said...

Oh, Darlene...you did NOT offend me..I was in such an emotional state I took it as it actually happened..so the joke was on me. I was reeling from what happened states away to my friends child and it was also the 20th anniv. of burying my baby sister who was tragically killed. I love you, dear friend...you have an awesome blog...I was just TOTALLY out of it yesterday. GOD BLESS you and thank you for your prayers support. andrea

Saleslady371 said...

Hi, Darlene!
I read this 3 times! It is so funny. You had me going the first time. I had tomake sure you were ok. I shared this with my daughter and it gave her a big laugh!

Love,
Mary

Noel said...

You've been tagged, check it out at my blog!

Heart2Heart said...

During your entire post, I was imagining it was me stuck in there and I was horrified to think of maintenance men walking on in.

I can wait for someone to come up with something better than this medieval torture device for women. Frankly after these, I dread the next one every year. You gotta find the humor in life. Perhaps during my next one, I will ask what would happen if the power went out???


Love the funnies though, it did make my Saturday!

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Avily Jerome said...

LOL! That's so horrible!!! But hilarious! Thanks for posting! :)

Marsha said...

This is HYSTERICAL!!!! I'm dying here!

Laurie Ann said...

I am rolling! Tears flowing, laughter hooting!!!!!!! Too funny!