Friday, May 1, 2009

Thieves in the Night

Thieves In the Night
You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves?
My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. it was just that quick! the replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans. A then the thieves struck again!
My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.
Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched! One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. this was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next?
When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee! Those "plastic" surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts - stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something "lifted", look again --was it lifted from you?
THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to women everywhere everynight.
P.S. Last year I thought some one had stolen my boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! but when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.
These same thieves come in my closet and shrink my clothes!
How do they do it???????
For more laughs and fun visit Kim here.


Laurie Ann said...

Oh, I am rolling! I love it!!! Happy Friday!

June said...

I know tis is true they have been to visit me.


SophieMae said...

YIKES! They got you, too?! When they invaded my house, they yanked out half my hair and replaced it with a handful of limp, grey strings. And I suspect they're just waiting for a chance to slip in here and slap my grandmother's face on me. >:\

Thanks ever so for making our hearts merry today! 8-]

Have a JESUS-filled day! ^i^

Susan said...

OK, this was the FUNNIEST thing, (and the closet thing to the TRUTH!) I've read in a long time.



Mrs. C said...

Oh my goodness, I'm rolling with laughter over here.


Denise said...

This was really funny, lol

Saleslady371 said...

They got me too. I'm losing my mind; what did they do?

You are too cute!

Heart2Heart said...

Loved today's post, primarily because the older we get the more we can relate to this.

Love the fact that people have stolen what once belonged to me, and stuck and saddled me with leftovers!

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Sharon Brumfield said...

Oh girl..they got my address too!
How funny! I needed that...loved the last part.

Omah's Helping Hands said...

Love it!!! This was good and totally relate, now I know where it all went, darn thieves. :0)

Sherry said...

LOL! TOo funny! Thanks for sharing! Have a great weekend!

Melanie said...

LOL! Very funny!

Alleluiabelle said...


I'm a newcomer to your site and wanted to introduce myself, but I have to tell you, you had me laughing so hard all the way through this, tears were streaming down my face. You know what, I think I've been attacked by those same thieves in the night too!


Mitzi said...

Great post Darlene! I love it. I remember asking my mom one time when I was about 9 why her butt sat on her legs, that thief had done that and I'll be darned if it didn't do the same thing to me. I am just waiting on Abbie to ask me the same question.

Flip Flop Floozie said...

Yes I have read this and know that is exactly what happened to me too...funny how it happened to two of us..Smile!!
Thanks for stopping by!!

Kimberly said...

hee hee!
I think I'm gonna have to install a security system! They've already been stealing over here...I better take drastic measures before any more damage is done!

:) Thanks for the smiles. :)

Becca~TimeWellSpent said...

Oh my goodness! I laughed until I cried with this! Now we know it was a thief!

Krista said...

Too funny, girl! Thanks for sharing. I love your Friday posts.


Meredith said...

You are so funny! I've gotten that in an email before but somehow it made me laugh harder today.....maybe because I'm getting there any way to stop the madness?!!!

Deborah said...

Too funny....entirely too true!

Lorrie said...

Absolutely hilarious....I too have had the same thing happen. How did you get over here. Just too funny!

Angie said...

Oh I needed that laugh tonight!!! (as I search out my belongings from under my own armpits!)

You have made my evening!! (It must have been planned that I pop over here tonight!)


Christina said...

I think the same thieves are stealing my body parts too, let me know when you find out who they are?

Kimberly said...

Hi, sweet Denise!
Just checking in and saying HI! I was thinking of you today and just wanted to pop over and leave you a note!
Lifting you up...just because! :)
K :)